I’ve been trying to figure out what my August update should look like. I’ve started and stopped a few different versions, trying to find the words for what my life is like right now. And then I realized; not being able to sum it up is a surefire signal that things are pretty damn complicated at the moment, and I’m not sure how honest I should be.
However, I told myself I would get something written, so I will.
I’ve been doing a lot of intense self-reflection, as one ought to do in times of transitions, and I’ve been mulling over the thought that my version of ‘nothing’ might not be as relaxing as I initially believed. Apparently, my ‘nothing’ involves publishing an ebook, doing freelance projects, writing an entire novella, starting my first screenplay, and sorting through boxes and boxes of my childhood belongings to consolidate for a potential move—which may or may not have something to do with all the reflecting going on.
I told myself it was time to take a minute and find out who I am without work—but it didn’t shake out that way. I didn’t end up pausing longer than a week, maybe two. During which I still gave time to projects and pursuits.
This occurrence made me see that I do, in fact, have a hard time not being busy. I’m not complaining, though being able to turn my brain off for longer than a few minutes at a time would be nice. (Not strictly true; it does cease to function in the presence of certain people, and I do experience an acute lack of brain activity when presented with a math equation beyond division—maybe that’s the solution, stare at complex math problems until I pass out)
Anyway, being around my familiar stomping grounds again has proven to be more than strange and more than a little jarring.
Part of me is still firmly planted in New York and always will be, I think. I forged something new in that little room, within that city, on those streets. Something I will carry with me until I venture no further on this earth.
Even still, there are aspects to Washington that warm my heart as well as freeze it, but I’m glad of them in equal measures. To look at it all with new eyes, as a new me, is to witness growth in its most raw form.
There is much on the horizon, and I’m doing my best to meet each situation as it comes, one day at a time.
Thank you for reading!