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Heather Drabant

Week 22: What if something happens?

Central Park — got to explore the city on foot for the first time last Sunday with a Praxian friend (thanks Silas!)

When I look back on this time in my life, I hope I’ll think about all the something’s that happened and remember exactly how it felt to face each day, especially the hard ones, and what it felt like when they were over each night.

Work update

This week was full of partnership communications and recruitment. A few candidates have made it to the final interviewing stage, and I’m hopeful we’ll be adding to the team soon.

I’ve been focusing on the top priorities of the company and trying my best to plan for my role transition in a way that will boost those priorities while ushering in new systems and initiatives.

Personal update

Tuesday was cursed from the start: I stayed up too late, forgot to check the metro-north schedule, missed the train (the times changed for track maintenance), the office lost power after the storm hit—unbeknownst to me until making it all the way there—and I was nearly crushed by a traffic jam, on my way to the station to wait half an hour for the next train back to Tuckahoe, in the boiling heat while a full-grown man ranted up and down the platform about how awful New York has become due to covid.

All of this to say that though the day felt cursed and I wanted nothing more than to go back to bed and start over, I thought of a phrase that has been rattling around in my head recently.

“What if something happens?”

That question has followed me my whole life. Vague, ominous, always tinged with apprehension or wonder or both.

The catch is: something will always happen. It could be good, bad, indifferent, or someplace between impossible and probable.

When I was a kid, that “something” seemed dangerous, no matter if it was good or bad. I was intent on making sure things went just so and ensuring nothing “happened.” (news flash: that never worked).

That’s no way to live. If you try to hold onto a linear expectation of what is and isn’t allowed to happen, you’ll lose your grip every time. Because something will always “happen.”

So what?

It’s not about the “What if” it’s about the “When.” 

It’s unavoidable, so why worry about what if?

The important part is remembering it comes down to how we respond to what life throws at us, and how we handle the repercussions of our choices.

Thank you for reading. 

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