This was probably the hardest one of these I have had to write so far. 25 was a real tangled mess of an age, and my recollections of it are murky at best.
Regardless, here it is. I have squeezed every bit out of my memory as is possible. Good luck.
General Growth
1. Wedding planning is not for the faint of heart, and that is okay
“We’re doing something so small, it should be simple! Right??” Was my naive approach in the first week or so of planning.
I could not have been more wrong. But you know what? Everything we worried about has come together, fallen apart in a manageable way, or is currently falling together, and no one has died. I am calling that a success as far as wedding planning goes.
And you guys…I got to go to my first dress fitting the other week, and oh my gosh, I love this dress. I had not seen her since I stumbled upon her months and months ago, and it was so good to be reunited.
I don’t love her nearly as much as I love the groom, buuuut….damn, she is lovely.
2. Premarital counseling is GREAT
One of my favorite parts of being engaged has been the conversations. Especially the ones we have had in premarital counseling.
It has been an eye-opening and relieving experience that I would recommend to anyone. It has given us a common language to use, a shared lexicon—something that gives context to some of the more “quirky” and specific things about each of our very strong personalities.
3. The world is only as small as you make it
My world got bigger at 25. Traveling outside of the US for the first time was an adventure!
It was not as bad as expected to be on such a long flight. But the whole process was truly not bad at all. I even hailed a taxi with a driver who did not speak English and did not end up 50 miles from where I was meant to be.
Though it had its trials, traveling abroad opened up my world all the same. Seeing Lisbon and Barcelona was an incredible privilege. I cannot wait to see more.
I learned, once again, that I really am capable of more than I ever think I am, if only I will step out of the self-limiting mindset I am so prone to.
Okay, yes, I did get food poisoning or some type of virus and had one of the most harrowing and almost comically horrible experiences of my life. But there were CASTLES!!!
4. Truly just…keep some joys to yourself
Some celebrations are just for you. If they don’t feel strong enough to face criticism or opposition, let them bloom quietly in your heart and enjoy them without fanfare. Some people will always find a way to make you feel guilty for being happy.
5. Letting go of childhood belongings is liberating! And a little sad
We cannot bring every stage of life into the next one. Hanging onto every scrap of what was does not lend to a better what is to come.
Of course, there are some dear, sweet memories attached to so many things from childhood, but they do not have to be in physical reach to exist. I have always struggled to part with such items. But the truth is, after hauling out multiple boxes of things that no longer have any purpose or need, I felt lighter.
I am ready to part with what no longer has a place and make room for these next chapters.
6. It really does take two to tango
Nothing makes a person the one besides the fact that they are willing to meet you where you’re at. I know that sounds extreme, but I have found this to be true. The one is the one who is the one that is ready to build with you instead of running away or shying from the gravity of intention.
And in that is the unity of mutual commitment—it takes two, and that’s that.
7. Phone anxiety?? We don’t know her
As a large portion of my current job involves being on the phone, it would be silly to hold onto any feelings of anxiety when answering or making calls. I am so far removed from that old feeling that I sometimes forget I ever felt any trepidation when handling phone calls of any kind.
I was not sure how I would adapt when I first started this job, and, honest to God, I almost said no just to avoid what I anticipated would be a supremely uncomfortable responsibility. And sure, it is not always flowers and rainbows, but I am proud to say I overcame my fears of the phone and continue to take on responsibilities a younger version of myself would have trembled at.
8. Take the extra second before asking the question (no, really)
I have always been one to try to accomplish things on my own. That is probably why I enjoyed freelancing so much and for so long. But now that there is someone to ask, and it is not all on me to have the answers, there is a temptation to lean too heavily on someone else instead of doing my due diligence beforehand.
It does not take much extra time to try to find an answer before bringing it to another person’s attention. One quick search, another rock flipped over. This approach has a two-fold benefit: you can bring questions/issues to someone with a checklist of what you have already tried, as well as learn more about the problem/situation.
Lifestyle Lightbulbs
9. Hanging from a bar has nearly taken away my back pain (exercise is important)
I quite literally mean just…hanging from a bar. I guess they are called dead hangs, which is not really appealing, but boy, do they help my back. Highly recommend.
10. Clothing fabric really does make a difference in feel and longevity
I mean, I already knew this, I suppose, but now that I have been making more intentional wardrobe choices, it is even more apparent. It is worth it if you understand your style preferences!
11. My want for slower paces is more of a need (I keep getting sick)
I once never got sick, and now it seems I am sick every three months or less. I feel my immune system is unhappy.
My pushing myself to the brink of exhaustion does not help matters at all, and though I am going to make efforts to heal my immune system the best I can, slowing down sometimes probably wouldn’t be a bad idea either.
Therefore, a want has become a necessity.
12. I really need to get better at being proactive vs reactive again; I have lost my groove
Related to the above, I have truly lost the plot in terms of having a balanced schedule. I keep waiting for something to slow down or stop or change but the truth is it will not unless I choose to slow down, stop, or change…but how, that is the question.
13. If I don’t actually carve out the time for it….it will not happen
Again, related to the above, the things that once found a natural place in my day no longer have any space at all unless I intentionally sit down with the explicit intention of doing that thing. Therefore, three separate paintings are sitting frozen, half done, my piano is covered in dust, and the “last edited” timestamps on my writing projects would put past-me into a coma out of shock.
And that, my friends, is on me. I have not adequately built in time for my passions and hobbies amid the chaos of this season, and there is no good excuse for it. But one thing is for certain: I cannot go on like this, and so I must adjust. Again, the question remains…how.
14. I’m really not good at staying in touch with people
I don’t know what it is. I think about people, most often with affection. I wonder how they are doing. I recognize that it has been a long time since we caught up, and I just….don’t do anything about it. Nine times out of 10.
Some months are better than others, but more often than not, I am a ghost. I know these lessons have historically been positive takeaways from whatever age I’m leaving behind, but honestly, sometimes learning unfortunate truths about ourselves is just as important as learning positive ones.
By being aware of this shortcoming, I hope to overcome it and improve in this area.
15. Making art is actually that serious for me, apparently
“Woe is me,” cries the artist, draped over a velvet couch, silk robe pooling around her, “if I shan’t feel the rush of creation, I shan’t wish to continue in this cruel world!” Her pitiful sobs echo in the empty night as she throws an arm over her eyes, breath stuttering.
Have no doubts that that is the state of my creative self languishing inside of me somewhere, crying bitter tears. The drama, the theatrics, the hysterics. I hear her, but all I can reasonably do is pat her on the head and promise that this is not forever.
I didn’t really think it would affect me this much, not making time for art, but it has proven to be an essential part of me after all. I despair and rejoice all at once for that fact. My fellow artists understand.
16. Life is truly precious
Folks, I obviously cannot speak of the things I hear at my job, as I work for a personal injury law firm, but what I can say is: there are an endless number of possible horrors that can happen to a person, and I am endlessly grateful to have thus far missed so many of them.
17. Don’t wait for someone to permit you to celebrate
Did you know you don’t need someone’s approval to celebrate? If not, now you know. You don’t have to look for permission to be proud of yourself, even if it doesn’t meet someone else’s standards of achievement. You can choose what is celebratory or not.
Miscellaneous Micro-Discoveries
18. Audio books ftw
Audio books are the only things that make my daily commutes tolerable. Though the weirdness of The Wind In the Willows is testing me. What size are the animals?? TELL ME. PLEASE. I beg of you.
19. Handwriting vastly improves when you actually, you know, write longhand often
Okay this one is silly…but legitimately my handwriting has always been terrible in a every-letter-is-connected-but-it’s-not-quite-cursive kind of way. But now that I am writing more longhand notes and such, I have noticed an improvement in legibility. Free cheers!
20. Everything you have ever thought you were over will come raging back when you’re in love
They tell you the person you love will trigger you the most. Old wounds, coping mechanisms, negative self-talk, whatever. I am distraught to say that this is true. I thought I was doing pretty well in terms of processing things in my past in a healthy way, moving forward without lugging around mountains of emotional baggage.
Well…alas, alas, alas.
But this is actually the best thing. Because not only has it helped me better understand myself as a person, it has grown me in ways I never expected and would maybe not have reached on my own at this time.
21. Printers/copiers/scanners really do smell fear
They know when there is a deadline. They know when you’re in a hurry. They understand human urgency.
And they cackle right in your face as they throw codes you have never imagined and somehow jam in a place you never considered.
I approach copiers with the same caution I would a skittish horse.
22. I am not only my worst day
Sometimes life isn’t pretty. Let me rephrase: Sometimes I (my internal self, not the image of me presented to the world, though she certainty has her rough days, also) am not pretty. I think uncharitable thoughts about others and chide myself. I swear too much when I’m frustrated or hangry. I do not always do the exact right thing at the exact right time. Some days, I knowingly make the wrong decision out of fear, pride, or indifference.
Sometimes I see a chance to be better, and I watch it go by on the breeze.
All of this can be true, and it does not mean I am an unforgivable, horrible person. I do not have to define myself based on my worst days. That is what the devil does.
I can instead acknowledge my shortcomings while striving to have more best days than worst days, to strive to extend grace to others as well as myself.
I would never speak to a friend the way I speak to myself when I feel disappointed in something I’ve done, not done, said, not said. I would not be friends with someone who spoke to me the way I speak to myself on those bad days.
I am not only my worst day, and neither are you. Unless you murdered someone, I guess. That’s pretty hard to overcome.
23. Duolingo…we have beef now
Duolingo has the same overconfidence in my Spanish-speaking abilities as a person shaking a bottle of ketchup without checking if the lid is closed first.
This freaking owl had the gall to suggest I put my alleged elementary-level Spanish knowledge on my LinkedIn profile. The unmitigated nerve smh.
Don’t you mock me, you green pest.
24. Life is a choose-your-own-adventure
I have faced many crossroads in my life so far. Some seemingly small ones that turned out to be huge, other seemingly huge ones that turned out to be small. The fact remains that at each one, I had the power of choice, whether I ended up choosing correctly or not.
And one could argue that what is “correct” is a matter of opinion.
This choose-your-own-adventure mindset is not just for the obvious moments in life; it applies to everything. Every moment is a choose-your-own-adventure if you think about it. Just without the pop-up warnings of when a choice could have catastrophic consequences. And isn’t that just wonderful and awful??
25. A yard does not have to be forever to build a beautiful garden there
So often I’ve stopped myself from doing something because I think “Oh, well, it’s not a forever home/job/etc., why act like it is?” But really, it feels better to plant the garden even if you aren’t sure how long you’ll get to enjoy it. I have stopped myself from enjoying things fully just because I am unsure if they are permanent. But really, nothing is permanent. Nothing you can hold in your hand will last forever, no season of life stays indefinitely, no person is guaranteed to be around for always.
The best I can do is leave things better than I found them, love people while they are here, and plant the garden anyway.
25 was…a lot. I have no idea what to expect from 26. Besides the milestone of becoming a wife, the air is open to the dangers and delights of possibility.
Thank you for reading!
