When I was a kid living in Western Washington, our backyard connected directly into a heavily wooded area of wildlife and mystery.
My brother and I would venture back there with some neighbor kids, exploring and trying to get to the little stream that was hidden by foliage and trees. It was a tapestry of stinging nettles and blackberry bushes, sunlight and damp, dew covered moss.
I was around 5, and was hanging out with the “big kids” (barely 8 years old.) There was a mud pit the size of a tenth grader that you had to MacGyver your way around to reach the stream. My brother warned the two older girls of this fact, and still, one of them stepped right into it, stubbornly, and lost her sneaker.
Me, being the Advocate, did not hesitate to go after the shoe. My 5-year-old self plunged heroically into the sinking mud for that white and pink Nike like my life depended on it.
Needless to say, it did not go well; I sunk in a pocket up to my knees, grabbed hold of her shoe, and threw it to her. She and her friend had laughed at me as I tried to pull free of the mud. They ran off into the woods and left my brother to help me out, shaking his head in exasperation.
I was always doing those sorts of things; Rushing in to help someone or something without thinking of my wellbeing.
“Oh, please.” You may be thinking. “Your problem is that you’re too helpful? Give me a break.”
But I cannot stress enough how much this can be a bad thing. If you don’t set boundaries for yourself—your time and energy—you will begin to slip farther and farther from a healthy and balanced life.
This situation popped up again and again for me. Chasing a basketball down a steep sidewalk, rushing to meet needs that I wasn’t capable of fulfilling, trying to be everything for everyone, as if that was possible.
As I’ve grown up, I’ve worked on setting limits for myself.
When my mom heard and saw what had happened that rainy afternoon, she took it in stride. But I still remember the tone in her voice as she asked me to tell her about it. I hear it clearer now through my matured ears then I did as a 5-year-old.
She was worried this trait of mine would land me in some seriously hot water eventually. Maybe she was thinking of how those girls left me there without even a thank you.
By recognizing this tendency of mine, I’ve been able to work on it and use it as a positive aspect.
I take my strong desires to help people and apply them in more controlled ways; Covering someone’s shift at work after I’ve checked with my family about the plans for the day, agreeing to contribute to a project after I’ve weighed it against my top priorities.
By doing this, I can still give out of myself without depleting myself.
I would encourage everyone to moderate their “Yes’s” and take into account the importance of balance.
Writing this out reminds me of where I came from and the core strengths I hold inside. I’m still working on it, but I know with the proper attention, I can continue to assist others with healthy boundaries. Because I love doing it, and I value my time and yours.