July, July, how time flies. This month marks the first of many where I can call somewhere home and mean it with my whole heart.
I have finally made it to a living space where I do not have to hide any part of myself, and the freedom in that is more intoxicating than anything I’ve ever experienced.
The simple truth is I’ve always longed for a peaceful life—a home. Somewhere I can bake brownies at 2am if I want to, open all the blinds on a sunny day, put flowers out on the kitchen counter, and welcome friends into safety. Somewhere to sing my favorite songs while I do the dishes and play piano in the middle of the workday.
Part of me wonders why I had to wait so long to feel free and how much of my cage was self-constructed. We all craft parts of our confinements, after all, in one way or another.
But it doesn’t do much good to wonder what it may have been like if I grew up with unharnessed freedom of expression, without fear and emotional abuse, without the mental conditioning of an ill parent. The truth is that’s what I had to work with, and I, for one, am proud of all I managed to do while half alive. I choose to focus on that above the grief for what could have been.
What those trials did was make this time even sweeter, and make my heart even more grateful. There’s a lot of work to do. Walls to paint, carpets to replace, yards to manage—habits to replace and new mindsets to develop. But I’ll take all that and more in exchange for never living a single day under the influence of an unhealthy and damaging individual again. Ever.
My goal is to create a life I don’t want to escape from, and being a homeowner with my brother has proven to be one massive step toward that reality.
Freelancing is known for its flexibility, and I’m taking full advantage of that aspect as I take on fun clients and make progress on personal projects. I can do that AND pay bills?? Incredible!
My so-called “work-life balance” is looking more and more like “life balance” with all its moving pieces, and I could not be more content with that for this season. My well is full.
As always, thank you for reading.